I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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