there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
