I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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