Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
