you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
