the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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