Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
