kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
