i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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