P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
