If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
