when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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