Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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