just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
