he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
