Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
