3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize