Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
