he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
