Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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