Apparently you make a good broom.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
