There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
