Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
