I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
