Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
