Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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