Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize