talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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