Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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