hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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