I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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