i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
