Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Enjoy the penises
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
