i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
