I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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