Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
