i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
