i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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