She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
