I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
