"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
