if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
