I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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