first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
