I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
