What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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