dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
