Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
