I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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