Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
