Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
