Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize