have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
