I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
