I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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