he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
