I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
