I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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