dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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