I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
