There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
