My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
