i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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