now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
