i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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