hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Your dad touched me again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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